I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
