omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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