My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
