In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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