butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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