the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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