i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
