I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
