dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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