he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
