I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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