a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
