I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
