I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
