So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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