just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
