capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
