What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The power of my boobs compel you
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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