"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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