i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
