you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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