In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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