i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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