she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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