So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize