Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
