Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize