I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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