Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
