u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
operation harelip BJ is a go
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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