it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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