Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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