I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
