who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
