he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
