Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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