Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
