so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
