I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
