we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
