I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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