It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
