It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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