pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
