he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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