Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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