I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
