I'm jealous of your bromance
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
