Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
