Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
