Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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