i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
