90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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