is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
