If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
