Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
