think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
