But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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