Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
