I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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