She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
