The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
God, I missed his penis.
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