How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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