So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
