sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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