i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
