You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
