he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
