On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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