Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
