It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
