i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
