I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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