ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
